Pamela and her husband hugging on the beach.
Pamella Kraemer
SG Member
April 3, 2024

Hey, all you young, single Christian ladies out there! Are you feeling discouraged while trying to find ‘your person’ in this society we live in? Social media relationships, celebrity couples living glamorously in the Hollywood spotlight, and reality TV dating standards detailed on “Love Island” and “The Bachelor” slant our reality of what ‘true love’ really is.

It’s Not As Glamorous As It Seems…

When we stop scrolling Tik-Tok and turn off our binge-worthy dating shows, however, we find dating to be much less glamorous. Dating apps lead to failed talking stages, getting ghosted by who we thought might be “the guy,” and consistent disappointment after getting our hopes up too many times. Trying to meet good guys in the “real world” feels a lot harder than it sounds – guys at bars don’t want to get to know us, coworkers at work aren’t our age or our type, and friends of friends don’t have the energy or personality we are looking for.

It is at this point where we get in a cycle of asking God, “When is it my time?” We feel like we have waited patiently for our future husband to walk into our lives and at the same time have tried everything we possibly could to meet that person. Everyone tells us, “You will find him! God will bring him into your life at the right time. It’s all in His timing!” That’s when we say to ourselves, “Alright God, now’s the time! I know I’m ready!” When we still get nothing…that’s when we can find ourselves in a turbulent cycle of anxiety, questioning our self-worth, and confusion.

Is It Me?

That dreaded question—the one that almost every girl asks themselves at one time or another in their life—is amplified when we feel like we have waited FOR SO LONG. I was feeling this way one night and prayed to God after feeling very discouraged. “I am so sick and tired of trying to find my person, God,” I prayed. “I put this into your hands – please take this anxiety and frustration from me, because nothing I am doing is working. I give this all to you.”

The next morning I woke up with a fire in my heart—I was going to focus on me. As someone who needs to have control over everything, this was not the easiest thing to do. However, it didn’t feel like me – it felt like a new me. A girl who knew what she was worth—she was a child of God who was loved and valued, and I needed to start focusing on myself in order to be the best woman, daughter, friend, and future wife I could be. So I picked out my favorite green two-piece workout outfit, hopped in my car, and headed to the gym.

Pamela and her husband and MSU game.That was the day I met HIM. The man God chose for me. As I was working out, I spotted a guy exercising not too far from me. I usually wouldn’t have paid any mind to him because there are always people working out in the weight room when I’m there. Maybe it was because he had on the funniest outfit – gray shorts, an orange t-shirt, and a black and yellow flannel (which we still laugh about to this day!). For whatever reason, I kept looking over and recognized him as a guy from my high school. Without much thought or hesitation, I started walking over to him. I felt this carefree energy as I walked up to him. There was some comfort in knowing I had just dedicated my energy towards working on myself and reaching my goals, and part of that was pushing myself to be me! Before I knew it, I was chatting with this guy I hadn’t seen in 5 years!

Fast forward almost 2 years later, Joe and I are planning our engagement and wedding with excitement for our life together and pure amazement at how we reconnected in such a casual, unexpected way. If I was anxious and in need of being in control (like I usually am), I would never have met Joe and started a life with the amazing man God had led me to.

Surrendering Control

Maybe you’re not struggling with surrendering your dating worries to God, but if you are, I know this struggle all too well. I wrestled with it countless times until one crazy night – I gave it all to God, and the very next day, I met my future husband! It sounds like a Hallmark movie, but it’s true.

While I can’t promise the same timing for you, there’s immense value in surrendering this part of your life to Him. Ecclesiates 3:1 explains, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” It’s easier said than done to come to peace with this, I know. But that morning at the gym, I felt the Holy Spirit’s nudge to confidently approach a guy I barely knew from high school, risking embarrassment and a very awkward moment with a stranger. Twenty-four hours earlier, my anxiety would’ve stopped me. But after surrendering control, I felt little to no anxiety before walking over to him.

The scariest part is surrendering control, which can bring peace but also anxiety when we try to control the uncontrollable, like finding “our person.” So, how do we surrender our dating worries, doubts, and anxieties?

Prioritize What You Can Control

That night, deciding to surrender my control of my dating relationships to God was just half the process – the other half was focusing on what I could control (if you’re anything like me and find comfort in controlling things, this one’s for you!). Once I realized trying to control my dating life wasn’t working, God showed me how to shift my focus onto something else – myself. Not in a selfish way, but rather in a productive, God-glorifying way.

What does this mean exactly? Well, I specifically chose to focus on my physical, mental, and spiritual health. Here are a few ways you could prioritize these three facets of well-being in your life too:

1. Mental Health

  • Journaling
    • Writing our thoughts down has been scientifically proven to foster reflection and self-awareness, which can help bring to light things about ourselves that we are struggling with, improve clarity about our thoughts, and notice positive or negative patterns in thought over time.
    • We can start to notice negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones. In 2 Corinthians 10:5 Paul says, “We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” Noticing those negative, harmful thoughts, taking them captive, and changing the narrative in our brains can be transformative in our lives.
  • Meditation
    • Meditating each day, whether guided or not, can help improve mental clarity and decrease anxiety. While meditation is not easy and takes self-discipline, this practice is recommended by many therapists to decrease unwanted thoughts and slow down our minds.
  • Hobbies
    • Finding a hobby you love is something that can bring joy and passion into your life. For me, exercising was my hobby – it made me feel good about myself and surrounded me with like-minded people.

2. Physical Health

  • Exercising
    • This can take so many forms! Some people love running outside or on the treadmill, while others love hitting the weight room or taking a fitness class. If none of those sound enjoyable for you, some people love yoga or pilates, low-impact workouts that still get your body moving.
  • Outdoor hobbies
    • If you have access to a local park, biking, kayaking, paddle boarding, tennis, pickleball, and the like might be up your alley! These activities can even include other people so it fosters a sense of belonging and companionship.
  • Diet
    • Eating a healthy diet is just as important as exercising and moving our bodies. Focusing on our diet and understanding how the food we eat impacts how we function daily can really transform our energy levels.

3. Spiritual Health

  • Spending time in Scripture
    • For me, I put pressure on myself to “read the whole Bible.” While that is still my goal, I realized that the quality of my reading was more important than the quantity. This may look like reading a chapter a day, a few verses a day, jumping around through different books of the Bible, or reading bits and pieces based on content in the Bible. Whatever your preference, any time spent in the Word is food for your soul.
  • Daily Devotionals
    • I love my women’s devotional! It’s entitled, “All Things Beautiful” by BroadStreet Publishing (shoutout to mom – what a great Christmas gift!). I also love the RightNow Media app (which is free to Shepherd’s Gate members and super easy to sign up!). Devotionals are a great way to focus on a specific topic or struggle and read/hear others’ perspectives while diving into God’s Word.
  • Prayer
    • God wants to hear from you – prayers don’t need to be fancy, just talk to him! I pray all the time – on my way to work, on my way to meetings, when I’m stressed, when I’m calm – there’s no right or wrong way to pray.
  • Listening to God
    • When our minds are on hyper-drive and going a mile a minute (as this society is so hardwired to instill in us as the “normal”), it’s so easy to forget to quiet our minds and listen to God. Sometimes I put on worship music, meditate, or dive into His Word – whatever works for you, we can’t forget to be still in His presence and set aside our worries and day-to-day grind.

Your Purpose, Your Story

Your purpose is to embody who God has made you to be and to fill yourself with His Word so that you can share His Promise with others. By shedding your doubts and surrendering to His plan, you can trust that God’s got you even when you’re faced with obstacles and doubts. Beyond ourselves, we’re called to live out His promises by impacting others through our actions and words. While all our stories are different and none are the same, what we do know is that each is perfectly crafted before we were even born to be our unique story. God tells us this in Jeremiah 29:11: “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Though dating as a Christian woman is not easy, remember you are not alone! Someone has been in your shoes, felt the way you have felt, and walked down the same road. God is with you and oversees your unique path, holding you as He guides your steps. Entrust your worries to Him, walk in His will for your life, and start to experience true peace and purpose as His masterpiece!