If you’ve ever found yourself wondering how to make friends as an adult, or where peers are going to foster friendships in adulthood, you’re not alone.
Many of us want meaningful connection, but we’re not always sure how to find it; or how to fit it into lives already filled with work, family responsibilities, kids’ activities, and everything else competing for our attention.
I know that feeling well.
Growing up, friendship seemed to happen naturally. You showed up to school, joined a team, or participated in an activity, and friendships often formed without much effort. Adulthood is different. Our schedules are full, we have greater responsibilities, and connection often becomes something we hope for rather than intentionally seek out.
After overcoming alcoholism (you can read more about that story here), I realized how difficult it would be to make friends when I got sober. I didn’t just lose a habit; I lost my entire social circle. Many of the friendships I had built were connected to a lifestyle I could no longer be part of. While that change was necessary, it left me asking a very difficult question:
How do I make friends as an adult?
Over the last seven years, I’ve learned a few lessons about friendship, community, and the ways God often works through both.
It All Starts with Intention
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that adult friendships rarely happen by accident. As children, we are naturally placed in environments where connection is easy. As adults, we must choose it. Whether it’s community events, volunteering, adult sports leagues, or friendship apps, adults resort to planned opportunities or platforms to meet new people and make friends.
For me, that intention started with attending AA meetings; these were spaces where people were honest, vulnerable, and navigating similar challenges. Walking into those rooms was rarely comfortable, but I quickly learned that meaningful relationships often begin when we’re willing to show up consistently and get outside of ourselves.
The same principle applies whether it’s a church, volunteer service, community event, or small group. Friendship doesn’t usually begin with finding the perfect people, it begins with putting yourself in environments where meaningful connections can be fostered.
Shared Experiences Matter
What surprised me most was how naturally friendships began to develop once I became willing to participate and allow myself to be vulnerable.
As I got to know people, and allowed them to get to know me, opportunities started to follow, like golf outings, beach days, Euchre nights, and crafting events. I was even invited to activities I never expected to enjoy, like shooting firearms.
At first, I said “yes” simply because I knew I needed to step outside my comfort zone. But each time I showed up, I met someone new, discovered something new about myself, and expanded my world in ways I hadn’t expected.
That’s true in many of the space’s adults turn to for connection like community or church events, sports and hobby groups, and other shared-interest environments. What starts as a shared experience often becomes something much grander over time.
Friendship grows through consistency, not convenience.
Pray for the Right People
During this season, my prayers also began to change. Instead of asking God for more friends, I started asking Him for the right friends. I prayed for people who would encourage me, challenge me, and help me grow in my faith.
As I met new people, I also became more intentional about what I valued within a friendship. I wasn’t looking for people to simply fill my calendar, I wanted relationships built on trust, honesty, encouragement, and shared values.
Slowly, those friendships began to take shape.
The more open and vulnerable I became, the easier it was to say “yes” to opportunities that once felt uncomfortable. Those small steps led to bigger opportunities – to serve, to lead, and to become more involved in both recovery and church communities.
Looking back over the past seven years, some of the strongest friendships I have built within my sobriety began with a simple conversation, and a willingness to show up again the following week.
Friendship Takes Effort in Every Season
Another thing I’ve learned is that friendship doesn’t become easier simply because we want it to.
For many of us, it becomes one more thing squeezed between work schedules, vacations, sporting events, and countless responsibilities. Certain seasons, like summer, can be especially challenging as routines shift and life somehow feels busier.
It’s easy to put our friendships on the back burner when life gets full. But meaningful friendships require consistency.
Staying connected, even in simple ways, matters greatly. A text, accepting an invitation, meeting for coffee, showing up regularly are small actions that strengthen relationships over time.
Strong friendships aren’t built through grand gestures, they’re built through small moments repeated regularly.
We Weren’t Meant to Do Life Alone
If there’s one thing I’ve learned that I would like to share with you, it’s this: we were never meant to navigate life on our own.
Scripture reminds us to encourage one another, carry each other’s burdens, and be sharpened through our connections with others. God designed us to be in community.
That’s another reason communities like Shepherd’s Gate Church have been so meaningful to me. They’ve created opportunities not just to attend church, but to truly connect; to serve, worship, join groups, and build relationships with people I may have never crossed paths with otherwise.
If making friends as an adult feels harder than it should, you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re navigating something that simply requires more intention than it used to.
1. Start small.
2. Show up consistently.
3. Pray for the right people.
4. Be willing to say yes, even when it feels uncomfortable.
The friendships you’re hoping for may not happen overnight, most meaningful relationships don’t. But every conversation, every invitation accepted, and every step toward community is planting a seed that can grow into a long and lasting friendship.
Trust that God is already at work placing the right people in your path… one conversation at a time.
